


Loud

by chatonfils



Series: “Daily” Writing Prompts 2k19 [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance, Gay Keith, Internalized Biphobia, M/M, Soulmate AU, homophobic parents, music soulmate, musical soulmate, no one says anything bad to him, tho i promise it’s all just stuff Lance thinks about, trans keith
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-10-14 13:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17509754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chatonfils/pseuds/chatonfils
Summary: In a world where you can hear the music that your soulmate is listening to, Keith is going to fucking pummel his soulmate. That ass will not stop listening to the same album over and over and over and over again.January 2nd: CD





	1. Chapter 1

That’s it. Keith was going to do it. He was going to forcibly run over his soulmate. Even if it meant tracking that fucker down halfway across the world. Because why the fuck his soulmate thought listening to the same thirteen fucking songs on repeat for the past three days was a good idea, Keith had no clue. 

Who the hell on the godly tier of existence, thought his soulmate was a good match for him? Seriously. Just about every song that his soulmate had ever listened to was worse than the last one they listened to. From Justin Bieber, to Ke$ha, to Shakira, to Taylor Swift. All of them were like a cheese grater to his nerves. And his soulmate didn’t listen to music like a regular person either. They would very rarely listen to multiple songs that were by different artists, instead listening to the same artist for multiple songs like a fiend. He didn’t know what kind of playlist they had going, or if they just listened to albums, but he didn’t want to hear one Adele song, let alone 14 in a single sitting. And worst of all, because of the bond, he knew the names and artists of every song his soulmate listened to.

Keith groaned in agony as another Rihanna song entered his mind. Why him? A few people in his class turned to look at him with perplexed or annoyed faces, since they were supposed to be quietly studying for their next test. Lance, who was next to him, raised an eyebrow and shot him a silent question. 

Removing one of his earbuds, Lance asked, “What’s wrong?” 

Keith put his head in his hands and mumbled, “fucking soulmate.” Which Lance just chuckled at. He was used to Keith griping about the terrible music taste of his soulmate. Not that he didn’t do the same when his soulmate played really sad songs, that made him want to tear up and worry immensely. “They just keep playing the same songs over and over. It’s driving me insane.”

Lance hummed in acknowledgement and took his compact CD player out of his pocket, showing it to Keith. “Wanna listen to my music and drown them out?” Keith glanced over, seeming like he was going to reject but then relenting and holding out his hand for the other earbud. Lance swapped which side his buds went on so he could hand Keith the one meant for his right ear. “I just got this CD over the weekend and I’m already in love with it. Not sure if it’s your speed, but maybe it will help.” He smiled sweetly at Keith in a way that made him appreciate his friend just that much more. 

Until he heard the music, that was. 

Not only was it the song he was trying to escape, but it was perfect in time with what his soulmate was listening to. Only Girl (In the World) played in his ear and mind. Panicking, Keith removed the earbud and choked out an excuse that no that wasn’t his speed and he buried his face in the worksheets they were supposed to be going over. He tried not to notice the baffled expression that crossed Lance’s face.

Lance was his soulmate.

Lance, mother-fucking, McClain was his soulmate. 

Lance McClain was the person he wanted to shake by the collar and beg to stop playing Rihanna songs on repeat. 

Keith powered through the rest of the day on an odd mix of autopilot and heightened denial. Until finally, he got home and collapsed on his bed. And he may have screamed into his pillow. 

It’s not that having Lance as his soulmate was a bad thing, exactly. Quite the opposite, actually. Many times, Keith had thought to himself that whoever Lance’s soulmate was, that they were extremely lucky. Lance was kind and cared so much about his friends. By extension he also cared deeply for his soulmate. He’d heard Lance frantically worrying about his soulmate before, for their apparently worrisome music choice. Now that Keith knew that it was him who Lance was fretting about, he kind of wanted to facepalm. Of course Lance would get worried over Keith listening to things by Set It Off or Get Scared. And maybe Pidge had a point when she’d called him emo. 

Keith’s problem was, what if Lance didn’t want Keith as his soulmate? Lance had always seemed dead set on his soulmate being a girl. Talking about how pretty she’d be, and what kind of dates he’d bring her on. It was one of the reasons Keith had pushed his crush for the boy down. He refused to fall for a straight boy, he wasn’t that hopeless emotionally. 

But if Lance was his soulmate- and there was practically no chance he wasn’t with the experience Keith had had earlier- that meant he wasn’t as straight as he seemed, right? Very closeted, possibly?

Unless the universe wanted to play a very sick joke on Keith’s trans ass. Which Keith wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.

Keith shoved his face into his pillow again. Why did this have to happen? He was fine not knowing who his soulmate was. He didn’t have to live up to some unknown persons expectations of him. But now he had to live up to Lance’s fantasy? He couldn’t! 

A few hours of mulling through his thoughts and a bad attempt at doing his homework, Keith had come up with half a plan. Lance, if he was in the closet, was going to get a giant heaping of self love and gay music the following day. Keith downloaded 375 songs to listen to the full next day. He’d known all the self hatred he’d had before accepting who he was, and if Lance knew that his soulmate would accept him, maybe it would prompt him to come out. As long as the universe wasn’t trying to ruin him, and Lance really was on the spectrum, it was a perfect plan.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance seems to be having a weird hecking day.

The following day began with Lance waking up to his soulmates music. Groggily, he sighed, knowing it’d be a long day of suppressing tears like he’d done most of middle school. But as his brain woke up, and the song got out of its intro and into the lyrics, he finally caught up to what his soulmate was playing. And the revelation had him reeling. 

His brain unhelpfully supplied the name of the song and artist as It’s OK to be Gay by Tomboy. As if he hadn’t gotten the gist of that from the first lyrics shouting in his mind. 

What the fuck? 

Why was his soulmate listening to this fucking song at- Lance glanced at his clock- SIX THIRTY in the morning?! And just in general, why this song anyways? Normally his soulmate was playing depressing music that made him worry about their well being. But nope, today apparently was the day his soulmate lost their mind. 

And oh lord, did this song just... tell him to release his load??? What the actual hell?

Lance was at least certain that his soulmate just had stayed up all night and was watching something they found off the internet. And soon he could fall back asleep and forget this ever happened. Even if he found the song funny, and maybe a little bit relieving, he couldn’t forgive it for waking him up at the asscrack of dawn. 

And Lance was going to lose it. SERIOUSLY! What was this song?! His face was flushed at just how embarrassing it was! Well, maybe embarrassing wasn’t quite the word. Immoral maybe. He was glad that other people couldn’t hear soulmate songs because otherwise he was pretty sure his mother wouldn’t let him meet his soulmate ever. As if she had the power to make that a reality.

She’d at least be very upset with they type of song it was. Something about the message of it would make her very angry. Well, not just something, a very specific thing. A very important part of the song. It was probably the reason he’d never heard this song before. She always checked his cd’s before he bought them to make sure he wasn’t getting the “wrong messages.” Though he wasn’t quite sure how she missed S&M on his last CD. Although maybe in her mind, as long as he was listening about straight sex it wouldn’t matter. 

Lance sighed, ugh, why did his soulmate have to remind him of that? It wasn’t like he was ashamed- well maybe he was a little bit- but the subject was a sore one. While yeah, it might be “okay to be gay” or whatever, but he didn’t have the luxury of living in that world. Love was conditional, and it depended on him having what his parents considered, the right love life. He was going to have a girl soulmate, and they’d get married, have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence with a big house. 

Even if his heart yearned for a moody boy he’d come to be close with. 

Lance groaned when his soulmate was clearly not done with their early morning music listening. This time the song that entered his subconscious was Everyone is Gay by A Great Big World. Lance pushed himself out of bed, trying to ignore the song. It was a lot more sweet than the last song. It hurt his heart a bit to listen to.

Lance unhappily stumbled downstairs once he’d gotten on his clothes. Another song was playing, and who could of guessed, it was another song about being gay. He supposed it could be worse and he could be crying over songs about ending it all. His soulmate had a rough time and used to play deeply depressing music often. It’d been better for the past few years, but every once in a while, his soulmate would still play those sad tunes. And that’s really what he was expecting due to being woken up with their music. But maybe his soulmate had turned over a new leaf and was truly feeling good for once. But still, therein lies the question: why was his soulmate listening to songs about being gay?

As Lance made his way to the kitchen, his mother gasped. “You’re awake! Before seven!” She raised her eyebrows dramatically at him. “Is it the end of the world? Are you even Lance?!” She grinned at him. “You even beat your sister down here! Impressive, really. So what has you up so early, sweetheart.”

Lance laughed at her display. “Soulmate woke me up with some loud music.” He carefully left out the subject of the song. 

His mother frowned sympathetically. “Is she listening to one of those sad songs again?” She’d heard him fretting over his soulmate for years, and so of course she’d come to the same conclusion.

“No actually. Uh, my soulmate is actually listening to upbeat and happy music? It’s kind of really weird.” And out of character if he really thought about it. Especially as the next song coming on, being even more cheery than the last. Unless these songs were extremely important, he didn’t know why his soulmate would be listening to them. Even the least sad songs they listened to were still of a rock or punk genre. They never listened to pop, and if they did it was brief and obviously switched off. But here his soulmate was, listening to this genre, willingly. 

Maybe it was something his soulmate was trying to tell him specifically? Lance quickly dashed that idea out of his head. It was more likely his soulmate was listening to the songs for their own personal reasons. His soulmate always ignored his carefully constructed song messages and would normally drown him out when he tried. So it being a message for him was out of the realm of possibilities.

Going to school didn’t change anything. When Lance got to his first period, his soulmate had already played upwards of 30 songs that morning, and it didn’t seem they were going to be stopping any time soon. Lance had been given every gay song he thought could possibly exist, but they kept on coming. And it was really starting to fuck with him.

If the message wasn’t for him, which, why would it be? They hadn’t met yet and there was absolutely no way his soulmate knew he liked boys just as much as he liked girls. The songs had to be for them, which meant that either his soulmate was a lesbian, or worse, his soulmate was a guy. And if his soulmate wasn’t a girl, he was going to have to come out. Which was definitely not happening. 

Being bisexual was almost worse than being gay. The biphobia in the world stretched between both the straight and gay communities. Gays had the defense that if God didn’t want them to be with the same sex, why would he make their soulmates the same sex? Which was a valid point. One which made Lance often wish that if he was going to like boys, that he’d stop liking girls. Because what was God’s plan for him if he liked both? He didn’t have the ability to say that his sexuality made sense. That the harsh words people spoke against it weren’t true. 

In his heart he could feel the words he’d seen about bisexuality prick at him. Greedy. Too gay. Not gay enough. Dirty. Just a stepping stone on the way to being gay. Fake. 

Maybe his initial thought that morning was actually correct. He was going to be trying not to cry because of his soulmates music. 

All of the positive energy from the songs were slowly edging him closer to a reality he didn’t want to face. One where he couldn’t hide. One where he would let down his family. Let down his soulmate. Let down God. 

By the time lunch arrived, his nerves were frayed and his heart was heavy. His soulmate had been listening to music about being gay for going on five hours. And there was seemingly no finish line in sight. And just as he’d given up all hope, the music stopped. Startled, Lance sat straight up to focus and make sure it was actually off. And it was! He thanked God and perhaps shouted in victory. Getting a few turned heads from the slowly filling cafeteria. 

Keith sat down and tilted his head, “What’s got you all excited?” He was shoving his earbuds into his pocket as he asked.

“Soulmate was listening to some music that was hitting a little too close to home. But they stopped listening right before you arrived. Which thank the lord, I don’t think I can survive more of that music.” It might actually break him if he tried.

Keith scrunched up his eyebrows adorably. “Were they just like sad?”

“No actually. Really happy songs. Which is really weird for them. But it’s just reminding me of everything I can’t be.” Lance sighed with a frown.

“How so?”

Lance looked up to Keith’s face, searching for something he couldn’t name. A reason to tell him, possibly. Lance had only known Keith for a few years. And at first they hadn’t gotten along at all. Mostly due to Lance’s inability to process a crush. And despite the way Lance had treated Keith, he forgave him and they’d grown closer. Keith was the catalyst for Lance realizing he was bisexual. And despite that, he’d never told Keith that. Or anyone actually. Not Pidge who was a bonafide lesbian, or Hunk who was pansexual. Keith was probably the only straight one in their group, honestly.

At least he thought so. The only reason Lance was truly convinced he was straight was because of the knives. Keith had a fuck ton of knives. And he could rattle off the manufacturer, type, material composites and the intended use of all of the knives he owned. And if that didn’t scream straight boy masculinity, he didn’t know what did. 

Though, Keith never once referred to his soulmate as a girl. Always gender neutral. Much like Hunk had until he’d met Shay. Much like Lance did when he wasn’t being conscious of his family. 

Maybe Keith wasn’t straight. Maybe he was. Lance had the hindsight to realize he’d never actually asked.

“Well-“ Lance was cut off by Hunk and Pidge joining the table. “Oh, hey.” He greeted them, not missing the way Keith seemed to deplete. 

“How is everyone doing on this amazing Friday?” Hunk asked, cheerily. 

Pidge looked at him with large and irritated bags underneath her eyes. “I’m so fricking tired. Soulmate was up all night listening to Wham songs. Well, actually we were sharing music back and forth, but hers was primarily Wham.” She took a sip of her giant energy drink as if to laminate her point. 

Hunk laughed, “You always do that!”

“It’s a tradition at this point.”

“What about you, Lance?”

Lance smiled and pretended like he hadn’t been on the verge of having a melt down 5 minutes earlier. “I’m all good. Nothing much to report.” And he blatantly ignored the knowing stare Keith shot at him.

“Keith?”

Keith perked up, “Today’s a little bit boring, but tomorrow we’re going out for dinner to celebrate my 5 year T-anniversary.” Lance was surprised, Keith looked downright giddy.

Hunk’s face lit up. “Nice man! I’m really proud of you!”

“Dude, that’s awesome!” Pidge’s grinned at him despite her sleepy composure. 

Lance felt like he was out of the loop. “What a T-anniversary?” His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. 

“The anniversary of when I went on testosterone?” Keith cocked his head to the side, making a strange face.

“Went on testosterone?” Lance was most definitely out of the loop and the looks on the others faces told him as much. 

Pidge started cackling. “Did you forget to tell Lance?!” Hiccuping from just the force of her laughs, she still somehow managed to choke out, “oh, god, this is gold.” Even Hunk was snorting at the expression on Keith’s face. And possibly the one on his own.

Keith looked pensive for a moment. Then just smacked his forehead. “I did. Oh god I totally did. Fucking- dammit!” Keith turned to Lance and stared at him wide eyed, and flushed. “Hi, I’m Keith, I’m trans, and my pronouns are he/him.” Keith stuck his hand out to shake Lance’s. Lance still utterly confused, shook it. “Goddammit, that’s right. You heard about me from Pidge and Hunk originally, so we never had that conversation! I was convinced that’s was why you were picking fights with me for the longest time. But it didn’t make sense because you still used my pronouns. I’m a fucking idiot!”

“You’re a dude, why would I use any other pronouns? I still feel like I’m missing something important here. What is going on? Please, explain.”

Hunk, Pidge, and Keith all kind of exchanged looks. Finally Hunk just says it, “Lance, Keith is transgender.” 

Lance’s spike pulsed. That was one of those things that he wasn’t supposed to be exposed to. One his mother would likely be upset if he had ever mentioned it. And of course he was already jumpy due to his soulmates songs, so his brain may have short circuited. 

The longer Lance said nothing, the more uncomfortable Keith got. Shrinking back, looking like he was ready to bolt, Keith attempted to calm his own nerves by babbling. “I mean I’m still the same person. Just an added detail. It doesn’t change anything. Made my childhood an actual living hell. But it’s fixed now. I pass as cis and all is good.”

Lance nodded. Barely able to force his brain into a working order. A mantra in his brain chanting, “Don’t say something dumb!” 

Willing his mouth to move, he put a smile on his face, and attempted some sort of cohesive sentence. “Oh, uh cool.” Was about all he could manage. ‘Way to sound dismissive, dumbass!’ His brain screamed. He winced at the inner turmoil in his head. “I’m glad for you?” And with his tone he wasn’t sure he even sounded sincere. “That you’re happy and stuff.” His mind quickly interrupting to get him to focus, ‘Make sure you show him that you know he’s a guy!’ And maybe his brain was over loaded because he ended a lot louder than anticipated, “Dude!” 

Pidge snickered. “I think you broke him, Keith.”

The rest of lunch went without incident. Keith and Lance awkwardly but surely shuffling back into their normal banter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo this is actually gonna be 4-5 chapters. Mostly because when I actually broke down the chapters from what I’d already written, I had made 3 and hadn’t gotten to the climax so,,, it’s gonna be 4-5 chapters long.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy! It’s a message!

It wasn’t until after lunch that Lance realized just how fucked he was. Because his soulmate played three songs that were not the gay tunes he’d been listening to all morning. 

And now there was the multiple facts that Lance had to face. 

These three songs were definitely a message. His soulmate sent him a message. Truly the last thing he’d ever expected of them. Three songs had made him question everything he thought he knew about his soulmate.

First, his soulmate had played Sorry by Halsey. Which was a nice song. And he’d figured that it was being played because Halsey was a known bisexual musician. The song itself didn’t seem to be about sexuality, though. Which is why when his soulmate played their second song, Liquid Lunch by Caro Emerald, red alarms flared in his mind. That song was most definitely not about sexuality, and to his knowledge, not by a lgbt artist. And his heart was hammering by the time the third song came about. Back to You by Selena Gomez played inside his mind, and he was certain his soulmate just killed him.

He got the gist of the songs, “Sorry, I had to go to lunch, now let’s get back to the music I’m playing for you.”

The songs this morning were for him. His soulmate handcrafted a gay playlist, just for him. His soulmate woke him up at 6:30am to play him a song about it being okay to be gay, on purpose. His soulmate was sending him a message because they knew he wasn’t straight. They most likely knew he wasn’t out, either. And if they knew that, they probably knew who he was.

His soulmate almost definitely knew Lance was their soulmate. 

Lance was so distracted by his revelations that he nearly missed the next song come on. If You Were Gay by Avenue Q. It wasn’t the most shocking song to hear that day, however it held more significance. As if his soulmate was stepping back to say that while they thought he might be gay, that if he wasn’t that too was okay. A kind of resignation in the way the song played. Like his soulmate needed him to not be straight. 

Which meant his soulmate was most definitely not a girl. 

Lance’s enlightenment, had him looking around at male classmates for the rest of the school day. And it almost had him forgetting he was going over to Hunk’s that night. Luckily Hunk had towed him towards his car and he was driven to his best friend’s home. 

Hunk could tell Lance was acting odd, but attributed it to their lunch until Lance addressed it out loud. “My soulmate has been sending me messages all day.” He could hear the disbelief in Lance’s voice. 

It was surprising to Hunk as well. For years he’d heard Lance sadly complain that his soulmate didn’t want to talk. That he’d been blown off more times than Hunk could count. Lance’s soulmate had never seemed interested in Lance’s existence and almost seemed to resent having a soulmate all together. Or, at least that was the vibe Hunk had gotten from their interactions. “What were they messaging you?”

Lance blushed and was thankful that he and Hunk were alone. “Well before lunch I didn’t realize it was a message. But after lunch they basically said that they were sorry they had to eat and they were getting back to the music they were playing for me. Which was surreal.” Nervously, Lance picked at the hem of his shirt. “They woke me up this morning with a song called It’s OK to be Gay.” Lance didn’t look up at Hunk, who he could tell was staring intently at him. Hunk loved finding out everything. He was a snoop. But he also knew that sometimes people really just needed to be heard. And he had no trouble listening. Lance slowly but surely released some of the tension he’d been holding all day. Breathing in, and breathing out. “They were asking if I was not straight.”

Hunk nodded. “That’s a fairly specific thing to ask.”

Lance frowned. “The only reason they’d be asking is if they know me, right?” He looked apprehensively up at Hunk. 

“Possibly. You do tend to overcompensate on the lady love.” Hunk teased, being careful to watch his friends emotions and not upset him. Lance just pursed his lips in response. Hunk chuckled. “Listen, you know I’m pansexual, so if you’re gay, bisexual, a lesbian, I don’t mind. I’m here for you no matter what.” 

Lance snorted. “I think we are pretty safe on crossing lesbian off of that list.” He sighed halfheartedly. “And I know that you’re gonna be supportive no matter what my sexuality is. That’s not really my dilemma. You know how my family is.” He pauses and muttered, “And how I am.”

“You know if they ever did anything, you’re welcome here, right?” Lance nodded. “And if you mean I know how you are as in I know that the only reason you were always trying to rival Keith in 9th grade was because you were repressing a giant crush on him? Then yeah, I know how you are.”

Lance groaned. “You weren’t supposed to know that!” Hunk laughed. “I just- what I’ve grown up with? I didn’t get stuck with that outwards hatred of others identities. But internally? I hate everything that I am. That’s what I meant.” Hunk quickly wrapped his friend in a hug. “If I were gay, it’d be simpler. Because God makes same sex soulmates. That’s a fact. But he doesn’t give you multiple soulmates, just one. So why do I like girls and boys?” 

Hunk pondered his question for a moment before answering. “Think of it like this: I’m pansexual right? I like men, women, and anything in between or outside of that because my attraction to people is based on their personalities rather than their outward appearance. And that’s what Shay needed me to be for her. Someone who found her beauty from within. Even though I still think she is very beautiful both inside and out, she didn’t need another person who only cared about her outward appearance. Me being personality orientated is exactly what she needed in a soulmate. And maybe your soulmate needs you to like more than one gender, for their sake.” Hunk shrugged. “And even if that isn’t the case, maybe you were just given a big heart so full of love, that you have a need to spread it beyond that of what is expected.” 

Lance’s mouth twitched up, the slow beginning of a smiling making itself a home on his face. “You think so?”

“I know so.”

Lance chuckled and went back to his thoughts of earlier. “Do you think my soulmate and I have met?”

“I think there’s a good chance of it.” Hunk didn’t say that he’d already had his suspicions years ago over who Lance’s soulmate was. Ever since Pidge and he started comparing notes on what their respective best friends listened to on the regular. “Maybe they want to know if your sexuality is compatible before they tell you who they are?” Lance nodded. “Are you going to tell them?”

Lance’s heart jumped into his throat. Was he? After a moment of careful deliberation, “I should, shouldn’t I?”

“If you’re not ready, you don’t have to.” Hunk quickly assured him.

“That’s not it.”

“What’s up?”

Lance sighed. “What if- gah it’s stupid.” He made an angry face at himself.

“Your feelings aren’t stupid.”

“I just- what if they just want me to be gay, not- y’know?” Lance hugged his knees. “I can barely deal with it. What if they hate me for it?”

Hunk cocked his head. “They’re your soulmate. You’re specifically made for each other, Lance. I think it’s a definite impossibility for them to hate you.” He wrapped his arms around his best friend. “And if they do have a problem, then screw them.” He earned a snort from his insecure best friend. 

Lance leaned into Hunk’s hold. “Do you know any songs about being bisexual then?”

“In fact, I do.” Hunk’s grin was almost worrisome. But Lance supposed, it was for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still unsure if this’ll be 4 or 5 chapters long. I’m still writing chapter 4.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is valid but is being a dumb.

Had he gone too far? Lance was downright distraught when he’d arrived at lunch. Well sort of, anyways. He’d been so happy that Keith stopped playing his music that he’d audibly celebrated with his whoop. It almost made him want to stop his plans. Obviously Lance was uncomfortable with what he was doing. But then he’d said that the songs were hitting too close to home. That that was why he was out of sorts. That they reminded him of what he couldn’t be. And perhaps Keith pushing his suspicions and hopes onto Lance was cruel. But he hadn’t been mad, just resigned, as though he was lost in thought from what Keith’s music was referencing. So maybe, Keith could just be a little more gentle with his approach when restarting his playlist. 

And that’s what he did. 

He made a carefully constructed message for Lance. One he couldn’t miss. One that Lance would understand. A simple message to warn him of more incoming songs. 

It was rare that emotions seeped through the bond. They were always brief and only from very strong emotions. So, the panic Keith felt as the third song of his message played, was rather unexpected. Keith immediately back tracked. Why would Lance have been panicked about his message? He’d been sending a much bigger one all day. One that had him distraught before. Unless Lance didn’t realize that. If Lance hadn’t realized all those songs were specifically for him- oh God. Of course he was panicking. 

He never sent messages to Lance. The idea of chatting through the bond was unthinkably terrifying. He had been tethered to his soulmate all his life. They were a consistent part of him. One of the only consistent things he had left after what happened to his family and the changes his transition brought about. Even if they always had annoyed him with their music tastes, they were there. Even when they made him want to pull out his hair when they’d repeat music for days on end. Introducing something new with them was scary, because if they progressed, then he was losing the last thing he had tying him to any part of his past. 

But discovering that it was Lance, those fears hadn’t crossed his mind. Not really, anyways. 

Lance was his friend. He was a consistent outside of the bond. Even before they became friends, he was there, trying to enact some silly rivalry. And as friends he was always just a phone call away. Always on retainer when he was needed. And Keith in turn had been there for him when he needed it as well. He easily slipped his way into Keith’s life and it’d been like he was always meant to be there. 

In hindsight, Keith supposed he actually was meant to be there.

Before his message ended, Keith added one final song for Lance. To let him know that even if Keith was wrong, it was fine. The idea made him sad, though. He thought he was on the right track. Lance said it was hitting close to home! He’d thought that meant Lance knew the songs were being played for him. But he was mistaken by his own assumptions. And now Lance was panicking in the middle of the school day because of him. 

No further emotions came over the bond, and truly Keith didn’t expect any to. Even as he went back to the originally set playlist. 

In the one class Keith and Lance had together, they were much too busy studying to pay much attention to each other. That might have been a relief, honestly. Keith wasn’t sure he’d know what to say to Lance. He’d made a fool of himself at lunch for flat out forgetting he’d never even told Lance he was trans. That and the songs. He was better off just giving a friendly smile and diving into review worksheets.

He only stopped listening to the music once he’d been home for about an hour. He needed to get a shower and he didn’t quite want Shiro to come home and hear the music if he played it on a speaker. Shiro would get a kick out of it and probably embarrass him. Not to say his older brother would make him feel bad about it, but when opportunity to be an annoying sibling strikes, neither passed up the chance. 

Midway through his shower is when he heard the song start, and the name of the song made itself known. Keith grinned ear to ear as the beginning lines of Getting Bi feat. Pete Gardner from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend began to play. Lance was bisexual and he was coming out to him. Relief flooded through Keith in a way that he hadn’t expected. Sure he’d been nervous but he hadn’t really thought the situation had brought him as much unease as it apparently had. 

By the time he had finished showering, Lance had played two other songs. Another general one about being bisexual that wasn’t as flashy as the first. And one that asked a clear question. You Know My Name by Tasha Cobbs Leonard feat. Jimi Cravity floated over the bond. Asking him if he knew who Lance was. A part of him was anxious. This was a line he didn’t think beforehand about crossing. It was so soon after he’d just discovered that Lance was his soulmate. Was he ready to let that change their entire dynamic?

While debating on the idea of letting Lance further in, he decided he should probably answer to at least let him know that he’d figured him out. After around 12 minutes, Keith had finally settled on a song that he thought would tell Lance that he knew who he was. Lance’s Song by Zac Brown Band may have been sad, but it was as clear as he could get without using a song about a cheater. Because he was fairly certain that Lance wasn’t an L.A.N.C.E.. Though, with his extensive knowledge of Lance’s musical taste, he’d probably enjoy that song.

He didn’t have to wait long before Lance’s next question came through the bond in the form of Who Are You by The Who. Of course he’d pick the CSI theme song to ask his soulmate’s name. That fact, however, did not cause Keith any less distress. He really hadn’t thought this all the way through. Of course Lance wanted to know who he was. Which, really, should have been a given. Especially after Keith revealed he knew who Lance was. He thought that because it was Lance, that he wouldn’t be so scared. But he was. 

Truthfully, the thought of telling Lance who he was, terrified him. 

Just because Lance was bi didn’t mean he wanted him. They’d been friends for years and even now, the start of that friendship still bothered him. Lance had been passive aggressive and agitated with him for nearly a year before apologizing and forging a friendship. Keith had never known what he did that made Lance hate him initially, but he feared Lance would lapse back into that dislike once he found out. But Lance is the type of person who would hide it and he’d have resentment boiling underneath the surface, never telling Keith just how much he hates him.

Something nasty curled in his gut as he thought about how Lance didn’t even know that he’d picked a fight with his supposed soulmate the first time they’d met. That he’d hated his soulmate. Lance didn’t even know that everything had already gone wrong.

And yeah, maybe he was being melodramatic. That didn’t stop the anxiety swirling around inside of him. Logically, he knew Lance had been in love with his soulmate since the day he started hearing the music. He also knew that Lance had put whatever it was, that made him mad at Keith, behind him. And he knew that Lance was too kind and caring to reject Keith as his soulmate. 

But the “what if’s” still stormed around in his head. 

What if he screwed things up between them again? What if Lance was disappointed that Keith was his soulmate? What if he wasn’t good enough for him? What if, what if, what if? An endless, relentless, mess of a cycle.

He couldn’t tell Lance who he was. Wasn’t happening. Nope. Nada. Uh-uh. 

A sick guilt slipped around his throat as he haphazardly started playing his mix list of sad punk. He knew as the second song passed, his soulmate had realized the first was not a reply. And by the third he could hear Lance trying to reach back out but Keith just turned the volume higher to drown him out. He felt awful for doing so, but at least Lance couldn’t reject him if he didn’t know who he was. 

That was the thought process that carried him through the weekend. He tried his best to smile at his anniversary dinner, but ended up plugging in his earbuds to drown out Lance halfway through. The shame of what he was doing made its way deeper into his bloodstream at every attempt Lance made at reaching out. Every plea for communication he silenced took a jagged knife to his heart. Each suppressed melody shaped a greater void in his chest.

On Sunday at the end of kickboxing he had to once again borrow, his classmate, Luki’s music to tune out Lance. But of course she realized something was up. “What’s wrong? And don’t give me that ‘I’m fine’ crap you’re infamous for.” Her eyes narrowed at him and she pursed her lips. The pink hair atop her head fell into her face as she dug a pair of purple earbuds out of a blue bag. 

He gave her a tired eye roll as he took one of the earbuds while she plugged them into the headphone jack of her phone. “I am fine. It’s just my soulmate.”

She scoffed. “Just your soulmate? You look like you were up all night, for one. And for another, you look like you accidentally told a child that Santa didn’t exist and had to watch them cry about it.” She gave him an infuriatingly knowing look, all the while actually starting her music. 

“That only happened one time, Luki!” He muttered in frustration.

“Point still stands, you look like shit, Keith, and I want to know why. After all, I am gracious enough to share my precious Joan Jett tracks with you.” Her flat stare was far too critical for Keith’s liking. In the end she sighed. “Listen, I’m not Shiro, so I’m not going to give you that annoying disappointed older brother look that you’re always trying to avoid. So what happened?”

He mumbled out a “I’m not trying to avoid a disappointed older brother look.” Which earned him an elbow to the arm. 

“So why haven’t you told Shiro, then? We both know you always feel better once he knows and you’ve gotten his advice about things.”

Keith lifted his head indignantly. “And how do you know I haven’t already told him?”

“Because you’re still moping,” Luki stated, quirking her eyebrow at him. “Now come on, what’s going on and why are you upset?”

It took a moment before he actually decided on telling her, but once he’d made his decision, he started curling in on himself. If he was breaking down his emotional walls, he sure as hell was going to put up some physical ones. “My soulmate.” He breathed slowly, trying to muster up the next words he needed to speak. “I know who he is.”

Luki tilted her head in response to the revelation. “But wait, why is that a problem?”

“It’s Lance,” he said ever so softly.

“The Lance that you’re always talking about with stars in your eyes because you ‘love your friendship’ and ‘how kind he is’ and obviously have a crush on? That Lance?”

He squawked, “I do not have a crush on him!” 

Luki’s face twisted into confusion, “you mean rattling on for an hour about how he takes care of his skin was just platonic friendship feelings? And that time where you just showed me his entire Instagram account because ‘look how handsome he is!’ Or when you freaked out so much that you called me the first time you two hung out alone after school? Boy, you’re gaying harder for him than you’ve ever gayed for anyone else.” A wry grin made an appearance upon her face, which in turn made Keith quirk up the corner of his mouth, shooting her the smallest of smiles.

“Gay isn’t a verb, you know.” He grumbled. Luki nudged his foot with her own, encouragingly. Once more he sighed. “I sent him a message through the bond to see if he even liked guys. Because y’know, I thought he was straight. And after he answered he asked if I knew him. And I said who he was. Then he wanted to know who I was...”

Luki scrunched her eyebrows at him. “You didn’t tell him, did you?” Her voice was even, but full of disbelief. He just shook his head. “Keith, I know you have your soulmate issues, because you are literally the embodiment of emotional constipation.” She ignored his outcry at the description and forged forward in her speech. “And you’re probably hiding because of some dumb reason that your anxious brain has convinced you that will end up with you being rejected, right?” A nod. “And how do you think Lance feels? He just found out that his soulmate knows who he is, but now they won’t talk to him.”

“Now you see my problem. Because I know that I’m being so stupid for listening to that part of my brain that says he’ll reject me. And I know I’m hurting him which means I’m just adding more fuel to the fire that’s saying I’m not good enough for him.” Keith clutched at his hair in frustration and despair, curling further in on himself. 

Luki dragged his upper body towards her so he was half lying on her, half being hugged. “You have to fix this soon,” she stated simply. 

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite posting on April Fools Day, I swear this chapter is no joke lmao.  
> Okay so yessss it took me a lot longer to get this chapter out than expected, however I’ve been hitting a few snags in my personal life that I’m not going to get into. I have started on writing the beginnings for soulmate arcs for both Pidge and Shiro. So those first chapters will come out either shortly after I finish this one or right before this one ends.   
> Anyways I’m here in chapter 4 and I still don’t know if next chapter will be the last or if it’ll get a chapter 6.  
> Also in case anyone is wondering, Luki is the Uni(lu ki)osk girl at the space mall with studded jewelry and 4 arms. And if you already know who she is then you may already have an idea of why she was introduced into the story.

**Author's Note:**

> High key got a little burnt out after reaching 5k and took like a 10 day break. I decided to just split it in half (or more considering how out of hand my “oh I can just write 200-500 words per prompt and that’ll be good” idea went out the door).  
> So this will have at least one more chapter if not 2.


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